Insight into The Mendel Chronicles

A writing project by Jeremy Davenport
I want to use this blog to work on my writing skills, and to write something longer than a page or two. One way to do it is by a piece at a time. Blogs is structured much the way I feel like I can write, and so here it is. In your comments, please provide any advice you might have for me to develop my writing skills, and any suggestions you have to improve the story line.

2011-01-26

Chapter 5: Commencement

           Just past eight in the morning, Mendel woke from another dream that he couldn't care less to remember. He sucked in a deep breath, filling his lungs slowly, held it for a few seconds, and then very slowly released the air between his teeth. He immediately felt refreshed, and resumed breathing normally. He lay there for a few minutes longer until he felt like he had the strength to get out of bed and set his plan into motion. Mendel swung his legs over the right side of the bed and gingerly placed his feet on the floor, and then sat upright. The dark marks on his skin had lightened significantly overnight just as they always did with adequate sleep and proper medication.
           “Glad to see you're up and moving about, Mendel. Do you feel rested enough to begin your 'adventure' on the surface?”
           “Thanks, Menkab. Remind me when this is over to activate your overnight sleep subroutine. I know I set it up a long time ago, and didn't turn it on, but I think it would do me some good to think of you as sleeping at night. Even though I've been alone on this ship for what seems like forever, I'm starting to feel like I need some alone time. I feel so... watched these days.”
           “Sir, I've been monitoring all incoming and outbound communications, and have not detected anything out of the ordinary. Obviously you know that I only monitor your vitals once you enter your quarters until you rise for the day. Other than that there's nothing else that could be construed as being watched.”
           “That really doesn't comfort me, just the same. It somehow feels like more. Anyway... let's just get this show on the road. Is my wardrobe ready to go?”
           “Not quite. There are only three items left to produce, and they should be completed within the hour. Would you like me to prepare something for your breakfast? This may be your last good meal before...”
           “Before what? You old tin can. You don't have to remind me that this may end in my death.”
           “I'm sorry! I believe you misunderstood. Rasalans have a very different diet, and eat very frequently. The agriculture on the planet isn't as variegated as it has been on other planets you've visited. I merely meant to recommend a balance and large meal to help get you going for what will more than likely be a very long day. You should know, that even as we speak, Vela Omicron is approaching the community square of Pyxis. He's preparing food and water for the Great Ceffyl, and will be returning to work in approximately 1.5 hours. What would you like to eat?”
           Oh Sure, he thought. Try to get me to eat a nice meal after telling me something like that. I haven't seen Vela in centuries, and I'm supposed to approach this plan with a full stomach? I think I'm going to be sick...
           “Just surprise me with something. I'll eat in the observation room.”
           “Very well, Mendel,” Menkab said.

          Mendel watched his brother Vela Omicron from the holographic screen. Vela stopped unloading his rover loader in the main square of Pyxis for a moment, stretched out, and rubbed the back of his neck for a moment. Went it felt sufficiently loose, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, relaxing his heavy eyelids. With his head still laid back, he rubbed his eyes and opened them. It was playing out just as he had dreamed. Deja Vu? No, that stuff isn't real... Vela saw Mendel's “comet” ship, and thought the light from it was beautiful. The ship reflected the blue light of the Rosalan sun and the yellowish light of its moon, giving it a soft green glow, something like the flesh of a kiwi fruit. Vela reminded himself to look for the comet again later, when his shift was over.
           The solstice was was progressing on schedule, and Vela kept one ear tuned to the noise of the forests, waiting and watching for the Great Ceffyl to appear. About ten minutes after the rover was unloaded, the Great Ceffyl galloped down from the hills; didn't walk or trot like the ceffyls were known to do. When it reached the square of Pyxis, it raised itself on its great hind quarters, and howled, no, screamed at the green comet in the sky. It was a blood curdling howl. No one had ever heard a ceffyl make a noise other than the clop of its two front hooves when walking over the paved roads in their cities. Vela was on hand to see the event, and Mendel saw and heard it on his ship. Both brothers froze in place, Mendel in his chair and Vela with his back to the Great Ceffyl. For several minutes they both just watched or listened to see if anything else would happen. Vela took the stunner from his belt, and kept it at the ready in case he had to defend himself from some unexpected motion of the Great Ceffyl.
          Vela slowly backed away from the Great Ceffyl so as not to startle it, or disturb it with sudden movements. He thought that he might gain some sort of insight from the positions of the other ceffyls in the woods around the the cities of Rasalas, or at least the nearest handful of cities.
Vela had almost reached the security office tower. There were just a few more blocks to go. He thought that it was odd that there were no other people out. Usually, there were at least a handful of people walking about the streets, stepping in and out of the small shops, or simply just meandering about to get out of the house for a few hours. Mendel had made his way down to the planet's surface, and was now following Vela towards the office. He was making a crunching or crackling noise behind Vela, more of a scuffling sound really. He was scuffing his way through the remnants of straw that had been lost from the loaders on the cobblestone streets on their way to the square for The Gathering. Vela stopped abruptly and cocked his head to one side, straining to hear the noise; Mendel froze in place in one of the dark shadows near the corner of a building. Vela turned to look in the direction he had heard the noise and saw nothing.
           Mendel resumed following Vela as he continued on his way, both of them being more cautious. Vela listening harder, and Mendel trying harder not to be heard. Vela slowed down as he was moving down the street this time, hoping that the Great Ceffyl might be there next time he turned around.
           Vela heard the sound again... the scuffling was closer. He stopped walking and this time the scuffling did not stop. He waited as long as he could wait, all the while holding still, and when he could stand it no more, he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand straight up. He quickly turned around, and dropped to one knee, drawing his side arm. It wasn't a lethal weapon, but the stun solution that was normally only ever used on a ceffyl would be more than adequate to stop any human assailant. Mendel could not believe this was all happening just like he had seen in his dream less than twenty-four hours earlier.
           The stunner was in still in Vela's hand. He held still, and waited just a moment longer to see if he could finally pinpoint the source of the should. He dropped to one knee, raising the stunner to a firing position. There was nothing to be seen, but while he was on his knee with his stunner raised and aimed at nothing but air, he heard the scuffling again, but behind him in the direction he had been traveling. Now Vela was starting to get worried. First the unearthly scream he had heard from the Great Ceffyl back at the square, the fact that no one was out and about on his entire route back to work, and now, what seemed to be someone following him that seemingly had the power to be in more than one location at once, but no where at the same time. He was scared; he didn't know what to do now.
           “Who's there!?” Vela spoke timidly, at a volume just above that of a normal speaking voice.           
          “Is someone there?” With his left hand, he started to feel for his radio in his left pocket, and as he did so, he felt the hand of someone placed lightly on the nape of his neck. The hand was cold, and as it rested on his neck, he closed his eyes, and slowly lowered the stunner, and pulled his hand out of his left pocket, leaving the radio untouched.
           “I never thought this day would come. Not in a million years,” said Mendel. “You're looking well, Brother.”
           “M-, Mendel? It can't be you... They said you were dead, well missing, or disappeared, or something. We looked for you for a very long time! Where have you been for the last nine thousand years!?”
           Vela was now back on his feet, and turning to face the man who had placed his hand on the back of his neck. He was hardly prepared for what he saw. Mendel was now very thin, and his skin white, and had almost a paper-ish look too it; thin, and almost brittle. Vela could clearly see the largest veins and arteries in his brother's face, as well a mixed look of anger and extreme fatigue. Did he detect a twinge of sorrow in Mendel's eyes?

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